


vanity is my favorite sin

by frenchforbird



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Punk, Mental Breakdown, Multi, Rockstar AU, and vera blue, but there will also be some fluff, help im bad at tags, inspired by st. vincent, probably going to be more characters but, this is what we have planned, title is from a song called magazine
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-02-22 20:18:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13174449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frenchforbird/pseuds/frenchforbird
Summary: I wanna rock up in the red dressSay my name, I'm on the guest listI wanna stay right here in my fantasyI wanna live like you in vanityLup and Taako have achieved stardom- and everything else that comes with that particular title. Bad boyfriends, good boyfriends, interviews, crashing, burning, the list goes on.OR, the rockstar au that notcrindy and I spent multiple days gushing about





	1. Chapter 1

“Two minutes until show time!” 

“Thank you, two!” 

“Places, everyone!”

“Are we sure the guitars are plugged in?”

“Curtain up in one minute!”

“Thank you, one!”

“Everyone have their water bottles?”

“House lights are going down!”

“Curtain up in five, four, three…”

“WHO’S READY TO ROCK?!”

* * *

The show was stellar, as it always was. Flashing lights, holding hands of someone who was leaning on the stage, making shitty jokes that everyone laughed at anyways, forgetting the lyrics to that one interlude song again… people loved it. They were called back on for an encore, as they always were. Some random audience member climbed onto the stage and kissed the entire band before security pulled them away.

At least half of the band kissed back.

T.W.I.N.S. was a sensation. They knew it, too, the way they flirted with the paparazzi, wore audacious clothes to the grocery store, kissed total strangers. They’d been a sensation ever since they conned their way into a show at one of the most popular venues in their home city. The media buzz around it could have carried them to stardom alone, but, as it turns out, they were actually decent. The same venue booked them for a show a month later. It had been two years since that boost to the top of the charts, and T.W.I.N.S. didn’t show any sign of stopping. 

“Mags! My man!” Lup focused on pulling off her bright red fake eyelashes as her brother greeted the owner of their favorite venue in town. The Hammer and Nails: an old, rundown opera house that Magnus had restored and turned into an acoustics heaven. Taako had met Magnus on Craiglist years ago when he was selling one of his old guitars, and they’d been friends every since. Magnus was all too happy to book them shows.

“You guys did amazing! Super incredible.” He handed them both bottles of water, wincing in pain as he watched Lup move on to the second eyelash. “Hey, Taako, why aren’t you taking your lashes off now? Don’t you have, like, ten minutes until the bus to the afterparty?”

“Taako likes the aesthetic,” Lup injected, proceeding to chug half of her water. “So do I, technically, but when I get home it’s time for sleeping as fast as fucking possible. Taako is some kind of monster who somehow has the energy to stay awake for an extra five minutes.”

They kissed Magnus on the cheek as they filtered out of their small dressing room. They had to make their way through the crowd of fans in order to get to the van, and waiting only meant that their manager would get more anxious. There were going to be _people_ at the afterparty that night, people that were worth knowing. Taako rushed ahead of Lup to the backdoor, where Sazed was tapping his fingers against his infamous clipboard and looking utterly annoyed.

“What took you so long?” He asked angrily, motioning to his watch. “The schedule said we would be on the road by now!”

“Sorry, Saze, Mags stopped by with more water.” Taako apologized simply, giving Sazed a quick kiss before pulling back. His hand lingered on his waist. “You ready to bounce?”

Lup gagged as Sazed relented into the caring touch, shoving past them unceremoniously to get outside. The loud cheering and drunken air was a better sight than her brother canoodling. Sazed and Taako were quick to follow, at least. They all shoved through the crowd, collecting letters and gifts, before cramming into the front seats of the van. They had a fifteen minute drive downtown, and Sazed and Lup had bets on if Taako would fall asleep before they made it out of the parking lot.

It had been a good night. It could only get better.

* * *

It had been a good night. It could only get worse.

Shortly after arriving at the party, Lup watched Sazed drag her brother into an isolated corner and start a fight. He had a habit of doing that, waiting until they were surrounded by other stars to bring up any kind of issue he had with Taako. He wanted to make a scene, he always did. The argument grew into shouting and shoving and eventually Lup watched Taako storm off to the bar. Sazed remained in the corner. Lup didn’t hesitate in following her brother. She was actually curious this time, for nothing had happened that Sazed could reasonably be upset about. He was used to people going at the twins for kisses, he was used to the proclamations of love from the crowds, he was used to the occasional marriage proposals.

Taako was draining some shitty strawberry drink when Lup settled next to him. He didn’t even look up. Lup sighed; she could feel the eyes of a quarter of the room on them. Everyone was curious about the dramatic Taako and Lup. Decidedly ignoring them, Lup put a hand on her brother’s wrist to stop him from taking another drink. She’d rather talk to him sober.

“What’d Sazed do now?” She questioned him gently, not wanting to add an additional scene to the night.

“It’s my fault. I spent too much time with Magnus backstage- it’s fine, we’ll work it out.”

“Darling, I spent that entire time _with_ you. And, Magnus is a married man. Sazed is being ridiculous, I’ll-”

“No, he’s right, and it’s fine. We’ll work it out.” He cut her off with a sharp tone, glaring at her before returning to downing his drink.

Lup frowned, staring at her brother for a few moments before storming away in a huff. She felt like Taako was becoming less and less like himself every day that passed. They both had episodes like this every once in awhile, but they would never shut each other out like this. Lup was worried, if she was being honest. She was worried, but she’d never had to be worried about Taako before. Not like this. She didn’t know what to do. 

Lup resigned herself to chatting up the various guests, promising interviews she would forget about, absentmindedly checking the time and sipping disgustingly sugary drinks that she only grabbed because they had a paper umbrella in them. She would always wander back to the bar, where Taako was surrounded by a decent fanclub of people. He was drunk, and he was smiling, and Lup supposed that was better than the alternative. Sazed had entirely disappeared from the scene. Lup had totally gotten his pattern down: if he got into a fight with Taako, he’d disappear until it was time for them to go back to the hotel, but if him and Taako were on good terms, he would sit in the elf’s lap and soak up all of the attention that Taako never hesitated to give. 

Lup had never approved of Sazed, not even back when they were all just kids in high school, but Taako- Sazed made Taako happy, in between the arguments, the yelling at two in the morning. Lup could see that happiness, the soft looks that Taako gave Sazed when he thought no one was paying attention. They all crashed and burned, sometimes, in the mess of stardom, but Sazed had always been there for Taako to pull him back up. Lup had to accept him, at least for that.

Sazed reappeared at the bar about three minutes before they were scheduled to leave. Lup meandered over, and this time Taako didn’t glare at her. Instead, he grinned, and she could tell that he was drunk, drunk and something else. Sazed seemed unphased, ushering his boyfriend into the van. Lup jumped into the middle seat this time, loudly announcing some excuse about how she didn’t want to fall asleep in the comfier seat. 

The drive to the hotel was silent, save for the quiet classical music that played over the speakers. It was from some band called The Reapers; Taako had ended up with the CD at some afterparty and would often go one rants about how a name as badass as The Reapers didn’t belong to people who wrote classical music. Taako fell asleep, and Lup didn’t. She carried him up to their room with the help of Sazed. Somehow they managed to have an amicable chat, as they rode the elevator with a sleeping elf in between them.

“The show went good tonight. No hiccups.” Sazed remarked, shifting the weight of his boyfriend. “Well, no more than usual.”

“Next paycheck I’ll get a new violin. I promise.” He’d been bugging Lup to get a new one ever since the bridge started falling off regularly. It had been her first electric violin, a gift from Taako after their first show, and it’d survived relatively long, but maybe it was time to get something new. Something flashier. Oh, Sazed would _hate_ if she came home with one of those skull violins. 

“Oh, I forgot to tell you after the show, someone from Balance Publications wants to do a coffee interview with you guys.” 

“Coffee interviews _are_ my favorite… I’ve never heard of Balance Publications before, though. Good press?” Lup loved coffee interviews, because it meant she could dress casual as fuck. Coffee interviews equalled no photo ops and free coffee. 

“They’re a decently known blog. I glanced over their work, didn’t see any smear pieces.” Sazed shrugged. “The correspondent said… something about exploring more of the family life between you and Taako. Domesticity was the word, I believe. I can forward you the email?” The elevator doors opened and they began lugging Taako down to the room he was sharing with Lup. Another common point of fighting; Taako and Lup refused to be seperated, and Lup refused to be put in the situation of sharing a room with a couple. 

“No, don’t bother. Tell them we’re available, tomorrow afternoon, from… I think Taako will be awake around two, so from three to five. Short notice, but if they want the interview, they’ll take it.” Lup let Sazed take the weight of her brother for a second, fumbling with her pockets until she found the room key “Thanks, Sazed. I got him from here. See you in the morning.”

Lup closed the door before a single protest could be uttered. She took a breath, then dragged her brother to the bed. She peeled off his fake eyelashes, and slowly meandered to the bathroom to grab some makeup wipes. She used the fancy vocal recognition texting thingy on her phone to text Magnus (he’d find it funny, she thought, that he crashed in the car and she had to stay up later to undo his face), and starting wiping away the carefully applied makeup. It was smeared around his eyes, like he’d been doing his very best not to cry. It took Lup a good ten minutes before she crawled into the bed next to him and pulled up the covers. She set her alarm for 10:15, figuring it would give her and Taako enough time to get some good rest.

She was asleep in seconds, her brother beside her, the whole world ahead of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i definitely went on a mini hiatus and i sincerely apologize for returning with another first chapter of a fic instead of updates for all of my other ones. mmmmaybe i will update them tonight, but no promises. 
> 
> i hope everyone's holidays are going well!! 
> 
> this idea is honestly mostly notcrindy's. i took it and ran with it and turned it into something with multiple arcs that i will maybe manage to get through before forgetting. 
> 
> i hope y'all enjoyed!! feedback is always appreciated.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the twins flirt. lucretia wonders why she decided this was a good career choice. sazed is sazed.

Taako didn’t feel overdressed at all, walking into the small lunch cafe wearing an elegant dress that some designer had lent him for a much fancier event. Lup was wearing leggings with flames on them and an oversized sweatshirt from their own merch. That was one of the biggest differences between them: Lup had no problem going out in public dressed like a normal person. Of course, people only recognized them _because_ Taako dressed so stunningly, but she still didn’t care. Lup would dress down, Taako would dress up, and they would both arrive fifteen minutes late to their interview with the prim woman who was sitting in the corner.

The email said her name was Lucretia.

Lup had done some googling in the car ride over, and apparently a woman named Lucretia had built up the website from literal nothingness. There was an archive of over six years of articles that Lucretia had been writing. She would hunt down stories like nobody’s business, getting interviews with family members or stage hands or the graphic designer for their CDs. She never ran smear articles, the closest thing to being investigative pieces about behind-the-scenes nonsense. 

When she saw the twins approaching, she immediately stood up, looking a little more than flustered, and held out a hand. Taako shook it, like a normal person. He then stepped back to watch his dumb twin sister kiss the top of the poor woman’s hand. Lucretia _squeaked_ and flushed red up to her ears. She was definitely easy to fluster, which, Taako thought, was something he would take advantage of in the future. 

“Well, I, I was hoping we could jump right into the interview?” Lucretia quickly took her seat, gesturing for the twins to sit as well. Taako immediately put his expensive boots on the table, and Lup immediately shoved them off. Lucretia looked taken aback for a moment. She cleared her throat, and shook her head a little. “We’ll order some food, of course, but-”

“Who’s paying?” Taako grinned at his sister, who took the break in the obviously rehearsed speech to continue. “Because, listen, I’ll totally cover _your_ check, babe, but my brother here forgot his wallet and someone’s gotta cover him, and, listen, at this point he owes me more than his shoes are worth.”

“How did you know I forgot my wallet?!” Taako shoved at his sister’s shoulder. She immediately started cackling, and got another shove, but Taako respected her dedication to throwing the interviewer off balance. 

“I- Balance Publications is handling the bill. There is no need for you to worry about any of that.” Taako had to give her credit. Lucretia was standing her ground fairly well, regardless of all the blushing. “Could we get into some questions?”

“Of course,” Taako jumped into the teasing, leaning forward with a toothy grin. “I’m free Friday night, you thinking drinks?”

He relished in the scandalized gasp he got from Lucretia.

“Oh, shut up, you already have a boyfriend, you don’t get to hit on the cute interviewer.” Lup swung her combat boots to rest her feet on the table, and Taako shoved them off, but Lucretia had grabbed her pen and notebook and looking very intently at Taako.

“Boyfriend?” She queried. Taako frowned, glaring at his sister. Lucretia persisted, however, waiting for her answer.

“Ugh. Fine. Yes, I have a boyfriend. No, he’s not some sort of rival star. No, you can’t have his name. Any other questions based off of my sister’s dumb mouth?” Taako snapped his response, perhaps a little too harshly. Lucretia looked almost genuinely hurt. He couldn’t bring himself to care; their server had stopped by their table and he was all too grateful for the excuse to move on. “I’ll have the Quinoa Chicken Bowl, extra avocado, and could I get the cheese topping on the side? Thanks.”

Lup ordered something much simpler, and Lucretia only ordered a green tea. She pulled out her notebook again as soon as the server departed, but she seemed more subdued now, less eager to continue on with the interview. She didn’t say a single word regarding the whole boyfriend question, softly clearing her throat and turning her attention to Lup. “Well, I suppose I have quite a few readers who have been wondering the logistics of a violin, in such an anti-classical instruments genre.” 

“Oh, that’s an understandable confusion, babe. I mean, it was a confusion for the both of us, when we were first putting this all together. A lot of conflicting ideas. But,” Lup paused to sling an arm around her brother, “we’re a team, and we got around it eventually.”

“Correction: we’re _getting_ around it.” Lucretia laughed at that one, still looking up as she continued writing in her notebook. It was, honestly, a little disconcerting, watching her write flawlessly as she never broke eye contact. “It’s a struggle with every new song. It all works out in the end-”

“Obviously,” Lup interjected.

“-yeah, obviously, but we all have our hiccups.”

The interview moved smoothly from that point on. When their food arrived, Taako critiqued it to no end, leading to Lucretia asking him a boat load of questions about his experience with food. He ended up spending nearly fifteen minutes recounting various anecdotes about his job as a line chef in a movie theatre. Lup spent just as much time talking about chemistry and how her and Taako certainly had plans to complete college, once things simmered down a bit. It was really interesting to Taako, how Lucretia didn’t keep the interview on a set path, letting the twins take over the direction of it all.

Before anyone quite knew it, the scheduled window for the interview had passed, and Taako felt his phone buzzing in his pocket. It was Sazed, and he knew it, and he really wanted to not answer it. Let the guy worry, at least for a few minutes. After last night, hey, maybe Sazed deserved to worry, right? It’s not like he could prove that Taako wasn’t answering to get back at him. Just like Taako couldn’t prove that Sazed blocked Magnus’s number from his phone. Just like-

“I’ve really enjoyed this time with you two,” Lucretia said, gathering her things into a small messenger bag and smiling pleasantly. Taako sighed and pulled out his phone as it began buzzing again, stepping away from the table without any excuse.

“Hey, Saze. Sorry, we were wrapping up with Lu- Hey, can I call you Lu?” He called over his shoulder as he walked towards the door. 

“Well, I’d rather n-”

“We were wrapping up with Lu and totally missed my phone ringing.”

“That’s fine,” Sazed responded, in away that implied that it was absolutely not fine. “Are you and Lup heading back now?”

“Yep.” Taako popped the ending. He held the door open as Lup and Lucretia meandered towards the exit. It was slightly chilly out, and he suddenly found himself regretting not bringing any of his jackets. It’s not like he was lacking jackets. “Listen, about last night…”

Taako trailed off. If he was being honest, he was waiting for Sazed to jump in, explain what exactly had happened that led to the outburst at the party. It wasn’t even a typical thing; Magnus had been a friend of the band for ages. Hell, they’d all been invited to his _wedding_. It was one thing for Sazed to get mad about Taako talking to some groupie after a show. But Magnus was family. Of course, Sazed was right- he was always right, when it came to these things. Taako just didn’t understand. He hardly ever understood, he was learning.

“Don’t worry about it, Taako.” Sazed supplied the interruption Taako was hoping for. “I know you won’t do something like that again. Right?”

“Right, of course.” And Taako was smiling again, climbing into the cab after Lup and waving goodbye to Lucretia. Lup, to her credit, was doing her best to be _super_ involved in her phone and not eavesdrop. He felt a little bad for not answering Sazed’s call the first time. In his defense, they were still in a fight, those couple minutes ago. At least he answered at all. Sazed had to be grateful for that. 

“Oh! I forgot to mention, the assistant I hired on?”

“The… Riley?”

“Ren, actually, although it doesn’t matter now. I decided to let her go. It’s not like we need a mini-manager.” They'd had this particular conversation a few times now- every couple shows, Sazed would call Taako about how he'd decided to let another member of their small crew go. The reasoning behind each one was different, and sometimes Taako didn't understand, but Sazed was the manager. He knew what decisions needed to be made.

“Nah, babe. You’re all the manager we need.”

Lup made a gagging noise from next to Taako, which kind of ruined her whole ‘not eavesdropping’ facade. He elbowed her in the side, trying to contain a giggle.

“Aw, thank you babe. Well, I’ll see you when you get back to the hotel. I’m glad you sorted out the issue from last night. I love you.”

“I love you too, Saze.”

* * *

Lucretia’s article was uploaded the very next night, preceding another show that T.W.I.N.S. was performing at Hammer and Nails. Taako read it after the show, waiting for Lup at the stage door. He’d skipped out on the typical five minute chill sesh he usually got with Magnus, knowing it was more important to make Sazed happy. One arm slung around Sazed’s waist, they squinted at his phone screen to read the article.

_When going for lunch with the stars of a widely recognized band, experienced interviewers have a few expectation. Continuing a pattern that shines through their entire career, T.W.I.N.S. surprised me at every turn, throwing all of my expectations to the wind. They were rambunctious, flirtatious, and most importantly: unhesitating. I can count on one hand the amount of questions they didn’t answer; a rarity in this line of work,_

“Look at that, Taako, you’re a rarity,” Sazed teased. Taako grinned, puffing out his chest, his attention thoroughly drawn away from the article. 

“And don’t you know it, babe.” Taako leaned down for a quick peck, which turned into a kiss, which turned into a full blown makeup session that lasted up Lup blew through them to the car. It was times like these that Taako decided all the difficulty with Sazed was worth it. Great kisses, and hand holding, and just a stunning person to look at. Sazed certainly was a looker.

“I’m driving!” Lup called as she passed by them, grabbing the keys off of Sazed’s clipboard and slipping them into her own pocket. She waded through the crowd with ease, Taako and Sazed close behind. Taako crammed himself into the middle seat and immediately began fiddling with the radio as Sazed started to finish Lucretia’s article. They were headed to another after party, and Taako had avoided as much contact with Magnus as possible, so he saw no chance for the night to go bad. 

Taako did not have 20/20 vision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter two!!! i hope this turned out well. i wanted to introduce lucretia asap because of some stuff that's coming up. i want to do alternating povs for this, but i think the next chapter is going to be taako again, plot wise it makes more sense. or, it might switch halfway through. 
> 
> i hope you guys enjoyed!! thank you for reading, and feedback is always appreciated.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't know how i feel about this chapter, story wise. i didn't want to do another taako pov, but i didn't have much content ideas for lup's day until the disaster hit.
> 
> i hope you guys like it!

Things went bad; Sazed and Taako argued about the technical issues that had occurred, and Taako had gotten drunk again, and Sazed had threatened to break-up with him, and Taako had kissed the first stranger he found, and Lup found herself crying in the corner as the night went to hell and back. 

Well, in contrast, it was much better than the previous night. Sazed and Taako made up before he was blackout drunk, ending their night all over each other as they stumbled out the door. Taako stumbled, Sazed kept him on his feet. Lup drove them home, and Taako made some half hearted plea about wanting to spend the night with Sazed. Lup- like an idiot, Lup had trusted her brother’s judgement over her own and departed to their hotel room alone.

Lup had woken up to her typical hangover alarm clock. She was alone, in her room, and hated the emptiness. She was used to maneuvering around her brother as they both got ready for the day. On her (nearly dead) phone, she had a text from Taako. She stared at it on her lockscreen before swiping it away and throwing her phone back onto the bed. She didn’t care to open it.

_heyyyyyy loops i’m taking a day out with sa…_

Instead, Lup fell back into bed and queued up some fantasy Disney Princess movie on fantasy Netflix. She was about halfway through when her phone started buzzing at her side. She considered ignoring it for a few, long seconds, but a quick glance revealed that it wasn’t her brother calling. Pausing the movie and rolling over, she answered the phone.

“You’ve reached Lup, what can I do for you?” She hoped her voice didn’t sound as scratchy as it felt. She hadn’t had much to drink at the party, but once she was alone in her hotel room? All bets were off.

“Lup? This is Lucretia.” Indeed, it was the voice of the timid interviewer from a week ago. Lup smiled. This was someone she could deal with.

“Lucretia! How are you? We all loved your article so much!”

“I’m flattered,” she said plainly, but Lup could tell her words were genuine. However, she quickly fell into hesitancy. “I really hate to ask this of you, Lup, but my interview for today fell through, and it’s meant to be submitted for a piece in a prestigious celebrity magazine tonight. They’re fine with me switching subjects, as long as I turn something in, and I-”

“Lu! Of course I’ll do an interview with you! Well, Taako is a little out of commission at the moment, having a day to himself. You up for some one-on-one?” Lup was talking a mile a minute; realizing that she was desperate to get out of her (no, her and Taako’s) hotel room.

Lup and Lucretia hashed out the details, a meeting a nearby restaurant for lunch, photo op included. Lup had an hour to prepare before leaving, and decided to go all out. She spent half of the hour on her makeup and hair, going for a mostly natural look, but then adding on an excessive amount of highlight and putting on her favorite orange lipstick. She stole a pair of black wide pants from Taako’s suitcase, adding some suspenders she was pretty sure she’d stolen from Magnus’s wife. She wore an entirely see-through white blouse over a plain white bra. As she headed towards the door, slipping into simple flats, she grabbed a suit jacket for good measure. 

There was much debate over which of the twins was the most fashionable. This issue was, they had different ideas of times to be fashionable; unless it was necessary, Lup chose to wear lounging clothes that someone could find in every single fantasy Kohl’s. Taako chose to dress up every single chance someone would see him. They both valued beauty, but Lup valued time, more.

Lucretia was once again dressed in her formal clothes, sipping some lemon water as she waited in a corner. Her notebook was open to a blank page, and a recording device was laying next to it. She smiled as she saw Lup approaching, and launched into something Lup guessed she had been rehearsing exactly how to say.

“I’m so glad you came, Lup! This article is going to be a little more nonconventional, if you don’t mind. More questions about you, as a person, than T.W.I.N.S. or anything relating to your fame. Oh- wait, that seat’s taken, actually, our photographer, uh, he’s in the bathroom.” 

“Awesome, I hoped I didn’t get all dressed up for nothing.” Lup flopped down into the only empty seat at the table, grabbing the menu and squinting at the tiny text.

“Actually, I hoping to ask you a bit about fashion. And, by that, I mean… bringing up fashion, and letting you talk about what you wish.”

“Oh, shit, really?” Lucretia nodded her confirmation, and Lup launched into half an hour of the politics behind fashion. She brought up the expectations of dressing feminine versus masculine, and her own draw towards androgynous fashion. She touched on her and Taako’s views of when it was important to dress up, and how he had no preference of fashion, just whatever he, personally, found attractive. Lucretia listened intently, jotting down notes in her little book and occasionally posing questions that expanded upon what Lup was describing. The aforementioned photographer slunk into his seat about five minutes into the speech, looking a little bored, but he soon was enraptured by Lup’s passionate speaking. He began taking pictures, moving around the table to get every angle. 

It was a very good lunch.

It was a very good lunch, until Lucretia got a text. She glanced at her phone, then quickly shut off the recording device. 

“I have a… contact, in the EMT business, and she lets me know when stars end up in the hospital,” Lucretia started, and suddenly Lup was remembering that she had left her brother alone and hungover and her phone was dead in her pocket. “And your brother was just checked into St. John’s with alcohol poisoning.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's a little short, but the next chapter /should/ be out soon!
> 
> i'm hoping that, with that first paragraph, i highlighted the dynamics of sazed and taako a little more. i've seen a lot of people in the comments ragging on sazed, which, yes, but a huge part of what this fic is going to be is taako learning that he isn't a great partner, either, with how he antagonizes sazed just as well. the biggest difference between the two of them is that taako is willing to learn. this is going to play a much larger part in later arcs of the story, so i don't want anyone to be taken by surprise.
> 
> i hope you guys enjoyed this short chapter!! thank you for reading, and feedback is always appreciated!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for explicit toxic relationship 
> 
> tw for extreme alcohol use
> 
> this one is rough, guys.

Taako awoke feeling like someone was hammering a nail into his head. The hot breath of someone was against his ear, sticky and loud, and he sat in this uncomfortable position for a moment before pushing into a sitting position and cussing. Loudly. Sazed bolted up, cussing as well, gripping Taako’s arm. They looked at each other, processing the situation. Taako was the first to start laughing, snorting at the startled look on his boyfriend’s face. Sazed was quick to follow. Soon, they were both wheezing for breath, Taako’s hangover headache cutting him off. He stumbled out of bed and rummaged through Sazed’s show-night duffel for some painkillers. Sazed watched him from the bed, smiling lazily.

“I was thinking we could take an us day,” Sazed said, leaning back into the pillows. “Stay in for a bit, maybe go out for lunch in a couple hours?”

“Mm.” Taako flopped back onto the bed, having successfully taken the pills without choking on the water (which was what usually happened). “Lup and I have been planning on going to that art exhibit for, like, weeks, wanna tag along for that?”

Sazed was silent for awhile, and for a moment Taako wondered if he had managed to fall back asleep. A glance to his side revealed that he was, in fact, awake. His face was a little more somber than it should have been, considering the topic.

“Why do we need to get Lup involved?” Sazed finally said. “It’s been forever since we had an us day. I think we deserve one. We’ve worked so hard.”

“I don’t wanna just… cancel on Lup, though. Your boy has an image to keep up of not being a flake.”

“It’s fine,” but it really wasn’t and Taako could tell, “I understand that I don’t come first in this relationship.”

“Now, wait, that’s not what I meant.” Taako was quick to defend himself, but no response came from Sazed. Taako huffed, annoyed, and shoved his palm against the mattress in an attempt to dispel the pressure building in his head. “But if the slipper fits--”

“Shut up, Taako,” Sazed warned, and his boyfriend laughed. A reaction was all he wanted, all he ever wanted. “Why can’t it be just us, for once?”

It was always just them, Taako thought, but there was no use arguing it now. He leaned over Sazed to grab his phone from the nightstand, yawning as he did so.

“I’ll text her. Maybe she’s awake already.”

Sazed made a satisfied noise as Taako crafted his message to his sister; he knew she’d be upset about him cancelling their plans, if she even remembered them. _heyyyyyy loops i’m taking a day out with saze. sorry 2 cancel :( but he really wants an us day™ so i can’t refuse. uhhh hes being kinda weird tho, so if u could interfere at some point i would appreciate it. love ya_

“What do you wanna do, my dude?” They had drifted into leaning against each other after Taako tossed his phone to the foot of the bed. The hotel room was almost eerily quiet. Only their breathing and occasional words filled the air.

“We could go do the art museum.”

“Saze-- babe, I’m not gonna take a dump on my sister’s plans and replace her with you.” Taako snorted, as if it were an incredulous idea.

“Fine.”

They sat in silence again, shoulders pressing against shoulders. Taako came to realize that this was the first time he was been alone, truly alone, with Sazed, in months. Lup had always wedged herself into their dates, the moments that were supposed to be private. Even if they started off in solitude, someone was always at risk to bust in and disrupt it all. They were alone, now. 

“Hey, Taako?”

“Yeah, babe?”

“I was thinking… You’re such a talented artist. You really are, you can sing and write and play instruments. And, y’know,” Sazed took a breath, turning so that he looked Taako in the eyes, “every star has to go solo at some point.”

“What?!” Taako coughed, a sputter of disbelief. “Explain?!”

“Lup is great ‘n all, but imagine how much further you could go without her! Just you and me, and your success.” Sazed explained this as if it was a perfectly normal suggestion, not… not, what it was.

“Are you… Saze, you’re suggesting I drop my sister?” Taako slid off the bed, shifting onto his feet and beginning pacing. Sazed followed suit, almost grinning as he continued in his explanation.

“We both know she’s just dragging us down. She’s always keeping us on some sort of leash. You can’t reach your full potential until she’s gone!”

“Sazed. Stop.” He ordered his boyfriend with the coldest voice he could muster. Oddly enough, it worked. For a bit. “Lup comes before stardom and fame and success. Always.”

“Why won’t you let me help you, Taako? All I care about is you.” Sazed’s voice was sweet, and caring, and refusing to take no for an answer. “She is holding you back! She doesn’t care about you. But I care about you, Taako. Come on, just listen to me. I’m here for you, even when no one else is. Trust me. You need to. You don’t have anyone else!”

“I don’t need to trust _you_.” Taako barely paused, his chest heaving, poisonous words springing to his lips. "You’re right, you’re nothing to me compared to Lup. So stop trying to make me give her up!” 

Sazed flinched, hurt, his fists clenching at his sides. He got up in Taako’s face. It was easy, considering how tall he was, how imposing he was. Taako started wondering how the morning had gone so wrong.

“I am everything to you!” He demanded this fact, ordered it. “I am everything, and Lup is nothing. Lup is nothing because you are nothing, Taako. She doesn’t care about you, you are _nothing_ to her. You think she cares about anything you do? You could disappear, and she wouldn’t notice. But I would notice, Taako.”

“No,” Taako started to argue, but Sazed had built up steam and refused to stop.

“If it weren’t for me, you would _be_ nothing! No, you are nothing, Taako. You always have been, and always will be, and only I know you’re something more. So, shut up, and let me take control, alright? With Lup out of the way, everything will be okay. Okay?”

Silence. Again. It was always the silence that hurt the most. It wasn’t the first time they'd had a conversation like this, but it was the first time Sazed had dragged Lup into it all. Asshole. 

“Asshole.”

“Excuse me?”

“Can't you be an enjoyable person to be around for one damn second?” Taako crossed his arms, huffing indignantly. And, suddenly, the tension broke.

And by broke… it exploded. 

“What the _hell_ do you mean by that, Taako?!” Sazed loomed threateningly, his voice peaking and almost breaking.

“You should be grateful I even kept you this long!”

“ _Kept_ me?!”

“Lup and I have been talking about hiring a better manager for over a year now! And because you were my boyfriend, I argued for you to stay! You would have been fresh out of a job, if it weren't for me!”

“Fine! I'll just go, then!”

In an almost dreamlike state, Taako watched as Sazed threw his few scattered clothes into an already packed suitcase. That heavy silence returned as the room was emptied out of everything Sazed. And suddenly Sazed was walking towards the door and Taako should be saying something and this shouldn't have happened and--

“Don't you ever fucking forget, Taako. You are _nothing_. No one will ever love you but me. And not even I love you. You're dust.”

And then the door closed.

Taako felt the sobs bubbling up in his chest. He felt his face growing red. He felt the tears and he heard the sobs and yet there was some disconnect. Some final part of him which refused to accept the fact that Sazed was gone. For good, this time. Oh, his heart knew it was for good. So many times had this happen, but never like this time. Never this much anger. Hatred.  
Taako shook and shuddered with his tears. He was feeling everything and nothing at once. 

He exited Sazed’s room and pulled his room key out of his pocket while dialing Lup’s number. There was no answer, and he felt his heart sink to his feet as, opening the door to his own room, he found it empty. She wasn't even in the bed, sound asleep. Her phone went straight to voicemail, and he threw his own against the wall. He heard it crack.

From the depths of his suitcase he pulled out a very large bottle that he had bought in the event of an emergency. This certainly qualified; he began drinking, letting the buzz of alcohol erase Sazed from his mind. It erased Lup, too. Lup, and Magnus, and that interviewer, and everyone Taako had ever breathed the same air as. There was no such thing as too much. He just needed to bury those words deep under drink and drink.

Taako was unconscious by the time room service came by, finding no “do not disturb” upon the door handle and an eagle sprawled man on the floor. 

He remained unconscious up until opening his eyes to a bright white ceiling, the steady beep of his own heartbeat echoing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, i might have cried writing this chapter. it got intense and personal for me.
> 
> anyways! we are nearing the end of the first arc of this story! next chapter is gonna be pulling in some familiar faces. wink wonk.
> 
> ALSO! for those who are also following a breathing contrast, a chapter is in the works. i havent forgotten!
> 
> i hope you guys enjoyed!! thank you for reading, and feedback is always appreciated.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's short again, sorry guys!

The photographer-- his name was Avi, Lup had learned-- drove them across town to the hospital. Lucretia spent the drive defending the fact that she had an inside source at the hospital, but Lup was focused on the dead phone in her hands and the ringing in her ears. The ringing wouldn’t stop, high pitched and encompassing Lup’s senses. She hoped, at least, that Sazed was with him. Sazed cared about Taako in his own way. No one could deny there was care there. Lup trusted that Taako would be safe with Sazed until she could be there herself.

“Lup?”

She wondered how it could have gotten this bad. Taako, drinker and… drinker as he was, he was always careful about his limits. Almost always, at least. They’d had a few scares before. But Taako had always come to her before it got halfway this bad. She looked down at the dead phone in her lap, tapping her nails against the screen, wondering if she had any texts from him, missed calls, opportunities to have stopped this.

“Lup?”

She leaned her head against the window again, closing her eyes against the bright light of the afternoon. The fact that they had a show the next night vaguely crossed her mind. They’d figure it out; Sazed probably already had three backup plans already prepared.

“Lup!” 

Lup jumped in her seat, looking towards Lucretia. The woman seemed concerned. Worried. It was sweet, how much she cared, having only know Lup for a few days. Or maybe she just wanted a good story.

“We’re at the hospital,” Lucretia said simply. Lup realized that it was true. They’d been sitting in the parking lot for quite some time, although she wouldn’t exactly know. “Are you ready to go inside?”

Lup took a breath in a futile attempt to calm the guilt that clung to her every breath. Then, she got out of the car.

* * *

Taako had, apparently, been found in his and Lup’s room when the cleaning service stopped by. Sazed’s room was empty, and he had been checked out of the hotel. He wasn’t returning Lup’s calls. After her phone charged, she found a single text from Sazed-- _i quit._ Lucretia stayed in the waiting room much longer than she should have, writing a statement to put out on behalf of T.W.I.N.S.

Taako didn’t wake up. He opened his eyes, sure, but was in a constant daze. Asking for Sazed, for their aunt, for their mother. He would ask for Lup, too. She didn’t leave his side. Lucretia left, eventually, but not before bringing Lup food and promising to call the next morning. Avi, who had sat in the waiting room the entire time on his phone, promised to send a get-well-soon basket.

It was eleven at night when Taako finally spoke.

“Oh,” he said, coherent and afraid, “I really messed up, didn’t I?”

“Yeah.” Lup’s voice cracked and she hated herself for it. “You wanna tell me what happened?”

“Sazed left.” A sniffle. Desperate to hold in tears.

“I know, babe.”

“Considering the… uh, the circumstances…”

“Yes?”

“I don’t think ‘cha boy is up for the show tomorrow night.”

“I figured.”

And then, Taako cried. He cried for over an hour, until he was asleep and holding fast to Lup’s arm. He cried about Sazed. He cried about ruining their career. He cried about being in the hospital. He cried.

* * *

“Hi, is this Ren? I know it’s late, but I’m calling on behalf of… sorry. Cutting the bullshit. Basically, the manager that fired you just kinda quit, today. And I, personally, thought you were amazing at being the mini manager. And, babe, I would love if we could hire you back on? Mhmm. Yeah, yeah. Mm, yep! The catch? Well… Taako is a little… my brother, uh. He’s not in the best condition. We might have to cancel the rest of the tour. A replacement? Babe, no one could replace my brother. No, no, you’re right. I’ll see what-- who I can find. You’re a lifesaver, babe. Ren.”

There had been a lot of calling around to find a new manager. Magnus had been her first attempt, but he had turned down the offer. He simply didn’t have the time, which Lup understood. He promised to come visit, however, before hanging up. She’d also called various friends from college (Greg Grimaldis had her number blocked, she learned), but Ren was the first to agree. Truth be told, Lup didn’t remember Ren much. But, if Sazed had fired her, that was good enough reason to hire her.

By this point, it was three in the morning. Lup rested her face in her hands, refusing to fall asleep, trying to figure out who the hell she could call to replace her brother for a show in less than twenty-four hours.

* * *

“Hi, is this Sildar Hallwinter?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so originally i was going to have her whole conversation with barold be a part of this chapter, but it started to get long and i wasnt going to be able to finish it in time to post a chapter tonight. so, look out for that (hopefully) tomorrow!
> 
> we have officially ended what i have been personally calling the prologue arc. we have just begun the recovery arc! so, things are gonna be looking up, now.
> 
> thank you for reading!! i hope you guys enjoyed, and feedback is always appreciated.


	6. Chapter 6

The man who answered the phone sounded very gruff, and very asleep. It took about five minutes for them to get to the point of the matter, Lup apologizing her ass off for waking him. He claimed that he had already been awake, but when she asked what he had been doing, he sputtered for a solid fifteen seconds before she changed the subject. Lup was halfway into her practiced speech about how she thought Sildar had a lot of talent that could be put to good use when he interrupted her.

“I’m sorry, who are you, actually?”

“Oh! I-- I’m sorry, I’m Lup.”

There was silence on the line.

“I’m from, uh--”

“No, no, I know who you are.” His voice had raised several octaves. “What can I do for you, Lup from T.W.I.N.S.?”

Lup paused, took a deep breath, and began her long-ass query. “Remember that talent show you entered? The one my brother and I judged? Although you didn’t win, you really stuck out in my head. And, well, the band is kinda down a member right now.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, is Taako okay?” Sildar had oblivious concern in his voice, and Lup couldn’t help but smile.

“He’s gonna be fine.”

“That’s good! Why are you calling me about this?”

“It. It isn’t obvious?” He made some more sputtering noises and Lup sighed, running a hand over her face. She hated admitting that she needed help. “I’d like to have you on as his replacement, at least for the last couple shows of our tour.”

There was more silence in response. She knew he was still there, she could hear his breathing over the tinny line. 

“Sild--”

“I’m still here. Just. You want me to do what?!”

“You’d need to fly out tomorrow morning. I’ll take care of tickets and hotel costs and everything.”

Lup heard Sildar take a deep breath. “Okay. I’ll do it.”

“You’ll do it?!”

“Yes!”

The phone call then dissolved into various cheers and Lup explaining the logistics of Sildar coming on as a replacement. There was a lot of Sildar thanking her for the opportunity, and her thanking him for saving the tour. She was so relieved, she even agreed to look at a few songs he had written. As they were hanging up (Sildar had a plane to catch in a couple hours, after all), Sildar said one last thing.

“Oh, and, I don’t ever go by Sildar, it’s my first name and I’m not, heh, a big fan.”

“Of course. What do we call you, then?”

“Barry? Barry Bluejeans.”

* * *

Before returning to the hospital room, where she had weaseled the nurses into letting her stay the night, Lup sent a text in the group chat she had made with Lucretia and Ren.

_Lup (4:38am) -- found a taako replacement. he goes by barry bluejeans???? his reallll name is sildar hallwinter but he said he isnt a fan. anyways he’s gonna be in the show tomorrow night. put out some announcements or something??? luv yall_

Satisfied, she turned off her phone and climbed into the chair next to Taako’s hospital bed. Lup stared at his sleeping face for a few minutes. She’d comforted him, earlier that night (no, they were well into the morning now, she had comforted him _yesterday_ ), but she couldn’t help the feelings of helplessness and anger as she watched him. Breath in. Breath out.

She was angry at herself, for not noticing sooner. She was angry at Sazed, for screwing over her brother like this, for screwing over herself, too. She was angry at Taako. She was angry at Taako, because she knew how he would spend every night antagonizing Sazed in every way possible. She was angry at Taako, because he decided the only way to deal with the situation was to try and drink himself to death.

She was angry at herself, for being angry at Taako.

She was happy that he was safe. 

Lup closed her eyes, and slept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so good at updating regularly ://///
> 
> anyways! its barold! i dont know if i did him justice, so feedback on his characterization would be amazing (if anyone has any)
> 
> thank you guys for waiting for this update!!! i'm currently working on 2 different shows at once, and have like 0 time, but this weekend was a long one so i decided to get some stuff out.
> 
> thank you for reading! i hope you enjoyed, and feedback is always appreciated.
> 
> ALSO! I have a twitter! it's @frenchforbird! feel free to follow me, i sometimes rant about writing and will occaisionally put up polls about what i should work on for the day writing-wise. in addition to my twitter, you can find me on tumblr at @birdfrenchforbird. talk to me!

**Author's Note:**

> i definitely went on a mini hiatus and i sincerely apologize for returning with another first chapter of a fic instead of updates for all of my other ones. mmmmaybe i will update them tonight, but no promises. 
> 
> i hope everyone's holidays are going well!! 
> 
> this idea is honestly mostly notcrindy's. i took it and ran with it and turned it into something with multiple arcs that i will maybe manage to get through before forgetting. 
> 
> i hope y'all enjoyed!! feedback is always appreciated.


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